QUICK!!! BEAR YOUR TESTIMONY!
Hilti has calmed down now, so he's ready to post for this week's episode of Days of our Hilti. First of all, I think it's important that we clarify some definitions that have been causing some confusion lately:
"The Hilti" (Tha Hil-Tee) noun: The Sunday night gathering (sometimes taking place on Wednesdays) where the members of The Hilti committee and guests share their dating experiences for the past week(s).
"Hilti" (Hil-tee) noun: 1. Refers specifially to Spencer Leonard Hilton. 2. The German-born corporation specializing in construction tools.
"dejected" (d-jkt-dud) adj.: Being in low spirits; depressed. de·ject, de·ject·ing, de·jects.
Now that we have that out of the way, let's get on to this week's episode. It was a rough one.
Kate started us off, thanks to the brand new Hilti birthday dye. Elvis has re-entered the building! (For those of you that have had difficulty interpreting my analogies in the past, I will now elaborate. This specific reference has to do with Jordan returning from Las Vegas. During Elvis "The King" Presley's last years (the fat years), Elvis performed almost exclusively in Las Vegas. One popular phrase associated with Elvis is: "Elvis has left the building", first coined by Harold Lee Logan when trying to calm down a group of crazed fans after a performance in 1956. Hence, the play on words -- "Elvis" (in this case, Jordan, because of his association with Las Vegas) "has re-entered the building" (meaning, returned from Vegas.)) I won't even try to explain the Ides of March. ;)
Sun followed Kate with the surprising revelation that Arst is back in the picture?? What?!!! Sun -- I think you may have forgotten that Arst blew up last season. Believe me -- You don't want to get any Arst on you. (Rim shot!)
Boone was next. He talked all about his cute, fun date the Friday before with R&R. 28 years of life could not have prepared him for the verbal lashing that followed. But Hilti did confound them, that they durst not utter against him. And thus it is. Amen.
Claire finished up by describing her date with Sam (Hilti's youngest brother not begat in the wilderness). All I have to say is, "Poor Sam!" He's just trying to do his best in this world full of cruel, cruel girls. He is completely in love with Allyson (can you blame him?), working up all the courage possible, and trying to do the best he knows how, and these girls sit around and ridicule him.
Sam -- If you're reading this. I feel your pain. Give me a call. We'll go drown our sorrows in some NERTZ!!!
Na, na, na, na! Na, na, na, na!! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hilti's glum!!!


P.S. Hilti's got the best friends in the world! Thanks for giving all -- My birthday was great! :)